the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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