my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
