the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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