Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
