my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
