i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
