I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize