i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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