Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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