The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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