call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize