My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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