We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I could teleport
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
