OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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