ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
