his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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