neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
