Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
