im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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