I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
