Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
