Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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