Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
