i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
