My first STD was from a foam party
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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