I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
ttyl tear gas
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
