woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
