Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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