you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
