I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
