I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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