dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just tell him i said nine months
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
