2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
