I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
