I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
false alarm, still single
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
