and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
