Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We got so high we made milksteak
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
