I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
