No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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