If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
