I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize