god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
