Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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