You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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