weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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