ya dads aren't the best wingmen
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my poor anus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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