he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
