I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
