Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
