I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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