so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
