I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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