I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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