I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
