stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
