I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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