I should be sponsored by Trojan
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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