the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
