I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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