She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
