Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
