I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
