I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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