Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
