You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
