There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
