She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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