i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
