I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
