Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
