just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
