Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
