Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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