my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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