I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
