Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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