I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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