Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
